I am writing this in the midst of yet another website redesign. No one will likely see this until weeks after I’ve posted it, at least I hope, because the majority of my website is unfinished, terrible, and confusing.
I am redesigning my website not because it was necessary (I actually thought my previous design was quite nice, if hard to update), but because I have a deep need right now to look and feel professional and this is the easiest way to do that.
I have felt completely and absolutely terrible since a little before the start of this month. My physical health has actually been pretty good, my bad leg and headaches no worse than usual. My mental health, however, is literally mind-numbingly exhausting. I’ve only had one productive day since the start of September. It sucks.
I’ve lived with depression since I was five years old and with anxiety since puberty, so I’m pretty well versed in how to deal with the highs and lows. The problem is that they can only be dealt with. There isn’t any way to prevent or avoid low points completely, even with medication. While I know that eventually I will stop spending everyday feeling entirely worthless and untalented, I am feeling that way right now and it’s hard to ignore.
Especially when somedays I feel so hopeless that just getting out of bed is a chore in itself, let alone facing my real responsibilities.
I tend to go overboard in presenting myself as capable and smart when I feel everything but. This is starting to sound terrible. I promise things truly aren’t that bad. The worst is over, but it’s always hard to get back in the swing of things when you’ve fallen off the path. If things are a little slow over the next week, I’m going to try not to beat myself up over it.
I really hope you love the finished design. I always get a renewed burst of energy with a fresh website.
Let me know what you think!